24th November 2001
Welcome back, Comrades.
As you may have noticed, I have not updated in the past few weeks. Many of you may have wondered what happened and will keep doing so for I, Josef Stalin - Man of Steel, do not need to explain myself nor apologise to anyone, not even my loyal readers. It's not like your arms were amputated and you couldn't fire off a quick email to ask if I was okay, but no, you assume a man who has been dead for nearly 50 years obviously has no problems. How wrong you could be. How wrong you often are, Comrades.
If you had bothered to ask you may have found out that I, Josef Stalin - Man of Steel, have been feeling dejected the past few weeks. Were you to inquire further, you might have found out that I, Josef Stalin - Man of Steel, was feeling hurt and unappreciated because of a computer game. When you blinked uncomprehendingly at me, I would have then sighed and gone on to explain that after many long years as being the default leader of the Russians in all Sid Meier's Civilization titles (Civ and Civ 2) and many other games that aspired to match these classics, the release of Civilization 3 saw me, Josef Stalin - Man of Stalin, replaced with that Imperialist whore, the so-called Catherine the Great. It was like having all the appreciation for my life's work yanked away. Perhaps they did not wish to be seen as encouraging people to play as someone who is credited with the death of over 40 million of his own countrymen but it's that sort of overly moral self-censorship that is seeing the computer games industry play into the hands of the so-called 'moral majority'. Needless to say, if my arse had exploded I could not have been more hurt.
Dear Comrade Stalin,
I have recently been exposed to a beat combo, who describe themselves as being of the finest communist stock. Outward appearances confirm this, however, I suspect, however, that they are secret Travis fans, in possession of a white-hot song forge directly imported from Imperialist America.
Should my comrades and I attend their next public performance, and lynch them as a threat to our simple, yet enlightened way of life, or should I simply hand their name over to the Secret Police for some routine enthusiatic questioning, behind closed doors?
Thanks,
Comrade Waddle.
Comrade Waddle, I applaud your enthusiasm for rooting out Imperialist traitors. It truly is a rare thing these days. However, this IS music. Music does not always have to have a message. Let the music be just music. I, Josef Stalin - Man of Steel, have been known on occasion to bust some funky moves to phat beats when the mood is upon me. It's a great way to unwind after a day of torturing counter-Revolutionaries.
Still, if these people are purporting themselves as Communists and yet are secretly polluting the youth with Imperialism, then I would go with a public lynching. Simple, effective and most of all, brings to all a sense of community and solidarity.
What were the changes that happened to social life during your rule and what were there implications?
any info would help and resources
thanx
Simon Crowe
Comrade Crowe, you ask a complex question that requires analysis on several levels. The main change to social life in the USSR during my rule was that Fear kept most people from leading full and happy social lives. Socialising was out, heavy drinking to blot out the fear and mind numbing drudgery of life was in. We were too busy working towards a Worker's Paradise to allow the workers much time for anything but work, which is what Workers do. Without work Workers are simply Ers and that, you will agree, is just fucking silly.
As for the deeper implications and resources, Comrade Crowe, do your own fucking homework.
Dear Uncle Stalin
I'm a busty blonde athletic housewife, aged 21 years old (38, 24, 36). I get so bored and lonely while my husband is out spreading the word of Communism amongst the people of our great country.
My problem is that my heating seems to be stuck on full blast and I can't get an emergency plumber out, so I'm stuck here......alone in my house......hot and wet, laying on my bed because I just can't get
any relief from the burning heat that surrounds and consumes me. I can only wear a tiny, thin negligee because anything else is too warm, and it's turning transparent from the sheen of sweat that's covering the whole of my lithe young body.
I know it's an awful imposition on a great world leader, and that you're terribly busy with all your important dictator things, but I wonder if you might be an absolute sweetie and come over and fix it for me? I'd try to find some way to show my appreciation...
Thanking you in antici.......pation
Love
Mrs D.P. Throat
Comrade Throat, I, Josef Stalin - Man of Steel, fully understand your problem but unfortunately I am not a qualified electrical fitter and would therefore not only be cheating a qualified Comrade out of a paycheque but also would most likely blow your house up in my amateur attempts to solve the problem. However, as you are so obviously a young woman in distress, I will send you a copy of The Red Pages, which has the phone listings of all Worker Friendly businesses and services. I am sure you will be able to contact someone who can help you and would be willing to come to some manner of arrangement.
Email Stalin your questions, or he'll surely have you executed by firing squad.
