12th October 2001
This week has seen the Glorious People's Email Account overflowing with people wanting to know many things from your favourite Comrade, Uncle Josef Stalin. Much of it was concerning whether I would like to outlay money for goods and services that may or may not exist and commemorative underwear and pens for the WTC attacks. Oh, and there was some mail from my readers as well.
Dear Stalin,
One of my comrades recently claimed that our local revolutionary cell was not really communist, but socialist. Even after several hours of friendly conversation in a locked and soundproofed room, my muscl- I mean,comrades and I were not able to convince him otherwise. What should I do? I'm afraid something might happen to him if he doesn't change his ways soon. Very soon.
Comrade-General Eduardo Marcos, Peru National Liberation Front
Comrade Eduardo, I think too many people make issue over the whole Communist/Socialist thing. It's much like Coke and Pepsi - one is a good drink and the other is foul tasting cat piss that morons try to tell you is the best drink on the planet. The truth is you know whether you are True Communists or not. This so-called comrade of yours is obviously a minion of the bourgeoisie trying to introduce doubt into your ranks and divide the enemies of his masters. Such activites must not be allowed to continue as internal struggle will only weaken you and your true comrades from the True Struggle against Western Imperialism and Capitalism. My advice, Comrade Eduardo, is to quickly expedite the public execution of this recalcitrant 'comreade' and leave his body on display as example to all who would try to divide the Protectors of the Proletariat.
Always remember that 'disappearing' someone is only effective ONCE YOU HAVE TAKEN POWER in the name of the Proletariat. While still involved in the struggle only public displays of violence and determination will go heeded. Once you establish yourself as the legitimate government, public displays of violence should not be used unless obsolutely necessary. Disappearances work far much better. The fear and paranoia they produce make the people far more willing to adhere to the will of the State as it decides for them the future.
ello Mr Stallin I am a poor farmur libing in the suvviett yoonionin sorri for my wroting but i a m a prro famer
ok its midnight and i hear a knock on door i go to door expecting to get a bullet in back of headd but i dont why is thsiis you always put bullet in back of head btu not minee oh no i get bullet in dick
what you say?'';
acidbreathsa@hotmail.com
Comrade AcidBreath, do not think your petty attempts at deceit fooled me, Josef Stalin, who once ran the most feared intelligence agency in the world, the KGB. You think Leon Trotsky, Leader of the Red Army and Lenin's chosen successor ran from the Soviet Union because of threats to tweak his nipples? I am thinking not. You pathetic attempt at deceit is almost as pathetic as your attempt at humour. You, as my people say, suck the cock of the goat. In Georgia we have a word for people like you, it translates as "cunt who thinks they are clever and will die from an icepick through the back of the skull."
Dear Sir,
Please accept this free sample of Mr.Frictions Wanking gel with our compliments. We are very proud of our new formula, and would welcome your comments and feedback of this product in due course.
Regards,
Miss R. Ridinghood
Public Testing Program Director
Comrade Ridinghood, I wish to thank you greatly for this Wanking Gel. It reminds me greatly of old Soviet toothpaste in both taste and texture. It also reminds me greatly of my dear Uncle Svetlav and his dacha on the Black Sea where I discovered the joys of my own youthful body. If you were to furnish me with proof that this wonderful gel is Proletariat friendly and made in a non-exploitative atmosphere for workers, I would consider an endorsement deal for this wonderful product. I will have my people contact your people. Do not worry, my people already know where your people are.
Dear Mr Stalin
Lately, I've been finding myself very much attracted to my next door neighbor who is a female-transgender, transvestite that looks very much like Aunt Jemima.
It's a former woman that dresses like a woman but is currently a man... does that make me gay, or just guarantee me a spot on Ricky Lake?
Sincerely
Confused in Kentucky
P.S. The proletariat RULEZ!! WOO!
Comrade Tim, surely you don't expect Josef Stalin to fall for such a forced and lame attempt at humour? You cockswizzler.
That's it for this edition of Ask Stalin. But send your questions into Stalin@anti-social.co.uk for further advice for the late Dictator.
